See You in Heaven, Sister

My friends and I are getting ready to move out of our first house together so I began sifting through all of my things at the beginning of the week. I'm a super sappy girl so packing tends to take me a LONG time because I like to reminisce about everything I find.  

When I began packing I came across all my old journals. There's probably seven of them that have moved from my parents' house to dorm rooms to my current house over the years. A lot of times, I forget I even have the journals. But I love the way that God works and how I remember these journals at just the right moment. See, these journals are ones that have seen me through high school and college. They hold my memories from the mission trips I've been on. They hold the prayer requests of those dear to me. They hold the sermon notes of hundreds of services I've sat in on. They hold the words God spoke to me through Bible studies I have participated in. They hold the feelings of a broken heart and the excitement of a joyful spirit. Basically, any side of Addie that you want to see--these journals hold it. As I was packing up, I decided to just skim through the journals I kept on my trips to the Philippines, Peru, and Ukraine {probably because I had my Ghana trip on my mind}. 

As I was reading through, a story that I had written in my Peru journal caught my eye and God just spoke to me through it just as loudly as He did when I experienced it. So I wanted to share it. :)

I was about to be a junior in high school and I was traveling on a medical mission trip to Peru. Why I was going on a medical trip? I have no idea--but I absolutely loved it. Typically me and the other high school girls went to the schools in the towns we were visiting to love on the kiddos, but some days we helped in the clinic we set up. Our clinics were really neat. We set up in a public area and offered free medical attention to the people. They saw a nurse and a doctor, received medicine from a pharmacist, but the coolest thing was that they also visited an evangelism station where someone shared the Gospel with them. The year I went we also took a ton of glasses to give away. Since I'm not medically trained (lol at the thought of that) or fluent in Spanish (again, lol--have you heard me try to roll my r's?), I couldn't do much in the clinic. But when I worked in the clinic it was either in the makeshift pharmacy or with the glasses. This particular day I was working on getting patients fitted for glasses and that's when I met Victoria.

Victoria was a precious 97 year old lady. One thing I could definitely see about Victoria was that she had a heart full of Jesus. We began to talk a little (with the broken Spanish I knew) and with the help of a translator, I quickly learned a lot of her story. Victoria was the only one left in her family; she had outlived her husband and her children. That absolutely broke my heart. But as my facial expressions changed, Victoria quickly reassured me that she was okay. She made sure I knew that not having a family didn't matter to her because she had Christ and that was all she needed. Victoria was being fit for glasses and to test out each pair we would have them read from a Bible so we could determine whether the prescription needed to be higher or lower. When we put the first pair on Victoria and told her to read, she started crying. She kept crying and reading the verses out loud. She wouldn't stop. Any time we asked her if she needed more, she just kept reading. We asked her why she wouldn't stop and she told us that she hadn't been able to see in years. This was the first time in a long time that she was able to see well enough to get into God's Word that she didn't want to stop because she was so overjoyed. As we were finishing up with Victoria, she sang and danced for us because her heart was so full. Right before she walked out, she gave me a huge hug and whispered, "I'll see you in Heaven, Sister."

What Victoria doesn't know is that she rocked my world that day and, five-ish years later, she's still impacting my life. Her pure joy at getting in the Bible stirred such a conviction in me then and in me today. I, too often, look at my time in the Word as something to just check of my "good Christian" checklist. She reminded me that it is so much more than that. May I approach my daily quiet time with the same eagerness and the same heart that she did. May I look at life through the same lens that she did because I, too, have Christ and He will always be enough.

I'm so grateful for my encounter with Victoria and how something that happened several years ago is still relevant to my life. I still remember her sweet hug and her soft, tender whispers like it happened just yesterday. I look forward to the day I get to see this sweet sister again and I get to thank her for the difference she made in my heart.

I'll see you in Heaven, Sister.

He's a Good, Good Father

Just because I put my Christmas tree up in October doesn’t mean I’m anti-Thanksgiving. I mean, come on. I was just super excited about all the Christmas decorations I had for my new house. (Besides, there aren’t many “Thanksgiving decorations”…you usually just decorate for fall)

Anyway, I love this time of year because I love the holiday spirit. I love Christmas and I love Thanksgiving. I love the attitudes and hearts of people around this time of year. It is THE best. Oh my word. I love it.

So, Thanksgiving. I love this holiday. I love what it stands for. It’s a day (or days) that families and friends come together and celebrate all that they have been blessed with. It’s truly humbling when you begin to reflect over everything you’re thankful for because we’ve all been given so much. I also really love how thankfulness is woven throughout the entire Bible. So many verses point to how our attitudes should be that of thanks. One of my favorites says “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is GOOD; for His steadfast love endures FOREVER” -1 Chronicles 16:34 (obviously emphasis added courtesy of me ;)).

The Lord is good. I whole-heartedly think that is something that is very easy for Christians to say, but it takes on an entirely new meaning when we have to believe it. Many of you reading this know that I’m super type A. I love a plan, because is anything truly successful without a game plan? ;) (also, a sidenote: college has taught me that it’s okay to do spur of the moment and not have a plan, unfortunately that tends to come into play with the homework. whoops). So I have thought about my life a lot. And being this planner-type person, I often present my life plan to the Father and expect Him to be okay with it and let life follow my plan exactly. Yet, somehow when things don’t go according to Addie’s plan, I start to freak out because that’s not what I told the Lord I wanted; so do I really believe He is good in those moments?

Here’s a snapshot of Addie’s plan for college: I would go to the college I’ve loved since I was a little girl. I would pursue a degree in education and love every minute of it, never once questioning my choice. I would meet an extremely handsome man who loved Jesus my freshman year. We would date until our senior year, when he would propose to me with a beautiful ring. We would plan for a summer wedding and I would begin my first teaching job in August. We would have a cute little house in central Arkansas and enjoy married life for several years before we started a family.

Crazy, right? I remember presenting this plan to the Lord over and over, justifying it with the fact that I loved Him and my husband and I would serve Him whenever and wherever we could. But as things according to my plan began falling out of place, I started panicking because it was not the plan. The failed relationship. The burnout on school. The frequent questioning of whether I was doing what I wanted or if I was doing what God wanted. The overwhelmingness of life. They weren’t the plan. I didn’t make room for those things in my plan, so how could those be good things? How could the Lord still be good if my life wasn’t going the way I wanted it? After all, none of the things I planned for were necessarily bad things.

But what I have learned is that when my plan falls apart and I feel broken, that’s when God works to bring His plan to the forefront of my life. That is when He whispers His promises and His plan for my life slowly starts to fall into place. Those moments are what I am truly thankful for this Thanksgiving season. Man, if you’ve never been to point where you just feel completely broken and lost and the Lord comes to where you are and you feel His presence all around you, you are missing out. It is ugly. It is hard. It brings up pain you didn’t even know was there. But it is so comforting. It is so peaceful. It is so joyful and true. Man, it is GOOD stuff. And I am reminded that even in the hurt, the Lord is good.

In those moments I have learned that even when my plan is completely shattered and I’m doing things I never thought I would, the Lord is still good and His love for me is far greater than I can even comprehend. My best case scenario doesn’t even compare to God’s “worst case scenario” (which He doesn’t even have). I am so thankful that no matter my circumstances my God is STILL good.

I am grateful that the Lord has taught me to find thankfulness in the times of hurt and brokenness. One of my favorite worship songs says:

            You’re a good, good Father

            It’s who You are

            I’m loved by You

            It’s who I am

I love this song because it reminds me of the goodness of the Father. He is perfect. He is all-knowing. He is omnipresent. He sees the end of my life when I can only see this moment. He sees how each and every one of my failed plans work for my good and how even in the times of failure there is something to be thankful for. That completely blows me away.

So today, on the day after Thanksgiving, let me encourage you, friend, to find thankfulness in all situations—in the seasons of joy and in the seasons of trial. And I hope you find joy and hope in the fact that we serve a good Father.

I pray that your holiday season is blessed and that we can keep these attitudes of joy and thanks year round. I’m so thankful for you all, friends! Happy Thanksgiving!

“Give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:18

Good Gifts and MUD Week

“Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” –Matthew 7:9-11

About two weeks ago, I started continually praying this prayer. I was getting ready to start training for Student Orientation Staff, getting ready to spend days with incoming freshmen, and getting ready to gear up for the new school year. I prayed over and over that the Father would pour out his good gifts on me, my SOS staff, the freshmen, and my school. But I had no idea what to expect.

I’m starting my third year at Central Baptist College and I can’t even begin to describe the good gifts I’ve received since I started school there. The gifts have been abundantly more than I could have asked for. A lot of times, I didn’t understand it at the time, but even in the hard times, the gifts were still there. As I began preparing my heart for the new school year, I started thinking about goals and things I wanted to accomplish but part of me still felt kind of empty. I began asking the Lord to show me what HE wanted me to do over the school year (isn’t it funny how when we began to follow our desires and goals, God shows up with something completely different?). And He did. He whispered to my heart a simple word—intentional. That’s what He wants from me this year. He wants me to be intentional in everything I do. So as I began realizing this, I started praying for ways that I could be intentional during M.U.D. Week and I came up with a few so I thought I was good and we were going to have an easy week. I was wrong.

Day after day I came home completely exhausted thinking that there was no way that I could give any more than what I had given that day. But each morning the Lord filled me and I would go about the activities for the day.

About halfway through the week, I was feeling completely discouraged. I was doing my best to be intentional, but I was tired. I was drained. I was just worn out. And ABSOLUTELY discouraged. So I went back to my previous prayer of asking for good gifts to help me through the tiring days. And I was completely blown away.

Each night all the members of SOS had a meeting and we would give out starfish awards. Basically it’s a time for us to brag on each other and notice when people do something that makes a difference for someone else. It’s really an incredible time because it’s so humbling and encouraging. I began to think that this time of starfish stories was the good gift I had asked for—but once again, I was wrong.

Last night was our last night of SOS for 2015. And let me tell you, it’s sad. We were sitting at our party just laughing and talking and it felt like we’d all been best friends for forever. Then we were starting to get ready to do my favorite thing of the week and I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude for them. Everyone stands in a circle and we all have a chance to share what SOS meant to us, something we learned through the week, pretty much anything you wanted to share with the group. I decided I wanted to go first because it usually turns into this big cry fest and I thought I wouldn’t cry if I went first (hey, I was wrong again). I began talking about how thankful I was for the group and their love and encouragement throughout the week and that’s when it hit me.

SOS was my good gift from the Father. I looked around at 25ish faces and saw nothing but good gifts. Good gifts that would have NEVER been a part of my life without CBC or MUD Week. The Lord blessed me far more than I could ever have asked for with SOS this year. I’m blown away by the closeness and amount of love and support they each showed me during the week. And my heart was so overwhelmed because I am so thankful. I got to laugh and cry with some of the greatest gifts I could have asked for last night. 

I’m so excited to see what’s in store for me this year and I’m waiting with big expectations. But my heart is overjoyed in knowing I have a team family of college-aged students who are waiting right beside me, who will love and support me in every step.

SOS, I truly can’t thank you enough. Thank you for being the greatest gifts this week.

He Sees

I don’t know about you, but I like control. I actually like control a little too much. So God and I wrestle with that a lot. I know that realistically, I cannot control everything, but sometimes I still pretend that I can (which is really ridiculous, actually).

God spends a lot of time teaching me that I can’t control everything. That sometimes my greatest act of faith is trusting His control. So often I find myself in situations that I do NOT want to be in just because God wants to show me that He is still in control, not me.

I’ve recently been going through a study of women in the Old Testament and it has been so good. I think each day that I spend time studying a new woman, I realize how much I’m like (or not like) each lady. Through this study, God has really been convicting me and challenging me and it’s been just a really cool process.

A couple weeks ago, the particular woman I was studying was Hagar. I knew her story, but didn’t really think about it. Her life was definitely not ideal. She got pregnant by her mistress’s husband, ran away because her mistress hated her, and then the Lord told her to return and submit. Yes, not something we would want to do. Later on, Sarah bares a son, so Abraham sends Hagar and her son, Ishmael, off.

Hagar and Ishmael get stuck in the desert and then comes the amazing part. They ran out of water and Hagar was sure they were going to die. So she placed her son under a bush and then went to sit away from him. He was still in eyesight of her but she wouldn’t sit next to him because she didn’t want to watch her son die. So like any person would, Hagar starts crying and desperately pleading with the Lord to take her life rather than her son’s. That’s when an angel calls out to Hagar and asks her why she’s troubled. Um, hello? Her son is about to die. She’s stranded in the desert. She has no water. I think she’s got plenty of reasons to be troubled. But that’s when the angel tells her that the Lord has heard her. See, it didn’t matter what Hagar said or where Hagar was. Her story reminds us that even in the driest of deserts, God sees us as individuals. He sees our needs. He addresses them and cares for us.

So that just stuck with me over the weeks. God saw Hagar. God heard Hagar. God protected Hagar. And He does the same thing for me. That’s incredible. So I began spending time thinking about situations that I have completely felt the presence of God take over and times I felt fully confident that He saw me. And then I had one of those experiences.

Like I said, control is hard for me and it’s something I have to work on daily. So long story short, over the past year I’ve felt God working in my heart and preparing me concerning my next mission trip. Little did I know, He was also working in the hearts of one of my best friends. Through many conversations and just moments where I stood in awe of God, Chelsea and I each applied for the same mission trip for next summer.

So after applying I began to look at the logistics. And let me tell you, almost $4,000 to a college student is almost impossible. The idea of having to raise that freaked me out and scared me. I doubted a lot and struggled with how on earth I was supposed to raise that much money. Chelsea and I talked a lot about it and she kept giving me reassurance that if it’s what God wants, the money will come.

Well, we love crafts in our home and we started just a small side business where we make and sell some of our crafts. So we decided to use the money we make from that for our mission trip. Last week, we shared a tiny part of our story on our Facebook page and told people we were doing a discount day to help raise money for it.

We deliver to people who live near us so yesterday we were going to deliver to two of our customers. And that’s where it all comes together. Each time we delivered, they said something along the lines of this: “I know you are only charging me _____. But I know you’re trying to raise money for a mission trip so I put a little extra.” And each person gave us a significant amount of “extra”.

I got in my car after the last delivery and just cried because God saw me. He heard me. He listened to the desperate, scared cries. He watched the doubt and fear. And then He came in and addressed my needs, just like He does every. single. time.

As I was finishing up my Bible study after yesterday’s reassurance, I was reading about Leah and in the devotional it said “God saw her where she was at”. Y’all. The Lord is good. He sees us. And yesterday was one of those precious days that I was reminded of that over and over and over. God sees ME. The Creator of the universe looks at little me. If that’s not overwhelming enough, not only does He see me, He cares for me. He protects me. He provides for me. And He does all the same things for you!

So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, ‘You are a God of seeing,’ for she said, ‘Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.’ –Genesis 16:13

Priceless

Y’all, we have a problem. A big one.

At this point, I’m sure your minds are spinning with different problems I may be talking about and with all the recent events I’m sure you could come up with a few. But those aren’t the problems I’m talking about. Today, I’m talking about a problem that we face every single day. A problem that haunts many people. I’m talking about the problem of worth—especially worth among girls.

I know I’m going to lose a lot of readers right now. But just bear with me.

You see, as a college-aged girl I see this problem daily. I see girls seeking approval in all the wrong places. And to be totally transparent, I find myself doing the same thing. Girls, you know what I’m talking about, right?

We become fascinated with how many likes or favorites we get on social media. We obsess over the latest trends. We spend hours trying new makeup and hairstyles. We thrive off of competition with each other. I’m guilty of all of this, so I’m preaching to myself as much as everyone else.  Society tells us so many things that are wrong. And I’m not entirely sure why I listen.

The thing that bothers me the most, is that many of us find our worth in guys and I want to camp out here for the rest of this post. Again, I’m so guilty of this. I believe that as Christian, college-aged women, there’s a lot of pressure when it comes to dating. People just expect for you to meet a man and get married. At the small, private college I attend, the campus is constantly joking about the “ring by spring”. But that pressure is definitely there. As a girl entering my third year of college, any time I show slight interest in a guy, everyone freaks out and jumps to the “when are you going to get married” wagon. Which used to be really frustrating, but now it’s kind of funny.

See, it doesn’t matter when I’m getting married. What matters is where my heart is. And girls, we struggle. Our hearts believe that without a man, we are worthless. Our hearts believe that in order to feel beautiful or loved, we must have guys falling over us. Not true. Because you can be all of those things without a boy.

Girls, it’s not a real post about worth without me telling you that you’re beautiful, right? Well you are. You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are priceless. Do not settle.

I know that’s really easy to say and in our heads we agree, but a lot of time, in our hearts we don’t. We look around and we see others in relationships and we want that. We desire that. I’m here to tell you that that’s OKAY. God created our hearts for the desire for relationships. What’s not okay, though, is settling. Girls, you deserve an amazing man. You deserve someone who will love you and cherish you like no person has before. You deserve for people to tell you not to settle and for people to tell you that you deserve so much more than you think you do.

I feel like the realization of the lack of worth among girls is becoming a popular topic, especially within our churches. So I sincerely hope that you have been told all of this before. We hear that we are beautiful, loved, important, all of that. But we hear it from the people we expect to hear it from, you know what I’m saying? We hear it from our parents, our siblings, our closest friends. Yes, it’s important and it means something when we hear it from those people. But we desire to hear it from a man. We long for a guy to tell us these things. I’ve been blessed with a dad that does tell me those things, but sometimes, I just want a boy my age to tell me. And that’s when it hit me.

A few weeks ago, I was in Dallas for a big youth conference that I was attending as a sponsor. I’ve been blessed to have a great group of godly guy friends all through my high school and college time. But when I went to college, that group of solid, awesome, godly guys grew and they reach parts of my heart that my best friends can’t. It’s weird. But it’s so awesome. Anyway, a whole bunch of my guy friends were at this conference, too, and I was so excited to spend some time with them. I love the insight they give me and the words of encouragement they speak over me without even realizing it. Inevitably, one night the topic of boys came up. Jokingly, I asked one of my friends when he was going to find me a new boyfriend. He laughed, looked around the room and said something along the lines of nobody there being good enough for me. I was kind of frustrated by that and just brushed it off. But that night I thought more and more about it. You see, he didn’t specifically say, “Addie, you’re worth something. Don’t settle for a guy here who isn’t going to value you the way you should be valued.” But that’s what spoke to my heart hours, days, weeks after that conversation. He told me that I was worth something and not to settle.

In that moment, my world shook a little bit because I realized that one of the solutions to this problem is boys. We are often very quick to credit boys with causing the problem but I honestly believe that they play a part in the solution. The things I longed to hear, I heard. From a boy my age. Who loves me as a friend and desires to see me happy. I’m sure he didn’t even realize that by saying that he was causing a major spiral effect of thoughts in mind, but it’s really just cool how things like that happen.

In a different conversation with two different friends that same week, the topic of girls came up. This friend said something about if a girl has to lower herself for a guy, then he’s not worth it and he wished girls realized it. That if they hold out then the end reward would be far greater than what they can even imagine. My heart was so encouraged by that. Us girls often give boys the shaft and say that they are all jerks. We say that they’re mean and just play games. We say that they don’t understand our hearts. But, girls, they do. There are incredible guys out there who get it. Guys who look at you and see you as something that is valuable and priceless.

So two things.

Boys, can I encourage you to tell you girl friends that they’re important. That they are beautiful. That they’re valuable to you. Because, trust me, that would mean the world to them. When you do that with the right heart, you encourage us so much more than you realize.

And girls, can I encourage you not to settle? You are worth far more than what that boy will treat you as. Also, let me encourage you to find guys who love the Lord and become friends with them. Their words and actions will change your life. You will feel loved and encouraged by the silliest things that they do. It’s truly incredible the amount of laughter and joy godly guys will bring to your life. They will treat you with respect and show you that the standards you have for your future husband are achievable.

You are loved. You are beautiful. You are worth far more than you can imagine. Ladies, you are priceless.

One At a Time

If I had a dollar for every time I got asked "why do you want to be a teacher?" I'd be a rich woman. Since I started college, every time I meet someone or talk to someone about school, the topic of my major comes up. When I say that I'm an elementary education major and I want to teach those elementary babies, people begin to offer their "helpful" advice. 

• a teacher? that's too easy
• you're too smart to do that
• you really want to deal with kids for eight hours every day?
• you won't get paid enough
• why don't you do something better with your life?
• have you ever thought about being a nurse or a therapist?
• you just want to be a teacher because of summer break

Most days, those opinions from others are really frustrating. I realize that I'm going to be putting in a lot of hours and I won't be getting paid tons of money. Yes, there is summer break, but summer is spent in training and preparing for the next school year. Yes, I have thought about other careers and yes, I really want to deal with kids all day long.

You see, what most people don't realize is that I didn't sit down one day and just pick a major. God began working in my life a long time ago so that I could see the calling He has given me. He began preparing me and equipping me with the personality traits and skills that I need to be an effective teacher. I believe 100% that being a teacher is what God has called me to do. Being a teacher is my ministry. Each day I will stand up in front of children and pour into their lives. Yes, I want them to learn. Yes, I want them to pass the tests. But most importantly, I pray my students leave my class at the end of the year knowing that they are loved, important, and cherished. 

"I have learned that I will not change the world. Jesus will do that. I can, however, change the world for one. So I keep loving one person at a time because this is my call as a follower of Jesus." --Katie Davis (from Kisses from Katie)
This is why I want to be a teacher. I cannot change the world all by myself. I can change the world for my students. So that's what I'll do. In two years, I'll graduate from Central Baptist College and, hopefully, begin my first teaching job. I'll have a class filled with 25ish precious kids and I'll get to love on each of them daily and change their world. 

I pray that I never lose sight of the calling God has given me and my job never becomes about the amount of money I'm making or the millions of hours of inservice. My job is about the kids and changing the world for them--one student at a time.

I Know My Own

"I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me." -John 10:14

Let me start by saying that I am NOT a country girl. Anyone who knows me knows the country life is not the life for me. I enjoy being outside, I enjoy camping, fishing, and riding four wheelers, but I couldn't do it every single day. But I've always been fascinated when the Bible says Jesus is our shepherd and we, His children, are His sheep. I think that's the coolest thing. Why? I'm not sure. It might be because I grew up in a very rural area. Farming, 4-H, animal showing, rodeos, and the fair is what a lot of Vilonia High School kids talked about so I somewhat understood the importance of a shepherd and I definitely understood how important the sheep were (especially if that was the source of their income).

Around January of my junior year of high school (about 3 years ago), my parents decided to buy some land and build their dream home. Little did I know that in the three years since, that would lead to about ten acres, dogs, cats, chickens, goats, and hay bales. 

So here's the point: the goats. We only have two goats: Goldilocks and Commodore (my 4 and 6 year old nieces named them). Only two of them and I still get them confused sometimes. There are distinct differences between the two goats, but sometimes I just overlook the differences and call them the wrong name. But anyone in the family who takes care of those two or goes to play with them knows the difference. We can be driving down the driveway and my sister can look out and say "Oh there's Goldilocks on top of their house" or "Commodore is laying down by the fence". It's crazy to me how they can just look out there and know which is which. So a lot of times I get frustrated because I get the goats confused. It's silly because there's only two of them and I have such a difficult time. 

As I was living my house to move back into my dorm room after Christmas break, I felt frustrated with myself because once again, I got the goats confused. So as I was driving I kept thinking about how dumb the whole thing was. I was literally getting upset because I confused two animals who were clearly different from each other. And that's when it hit me. I was thinking about being Christ's sheep. To me, all sheep look the exact same. I could not tell a difference between two. But God does. In fact, His flock consists of WAY more than just two (unlike my two goats), and He still sees me. But not only does He see me, He sees the millions of differences that make me different from His other sheep. Whoa. He looks at me and knows me. He knows what He's equipped me with and what He's called me to. He looks at the sheep next to me and knows them. He thinks about His sheep that aren't born yet and knows every detail of their life. That blows my mind. Out of the millions of people on this Earth, God knows each of us. He knows our intimate details, He knows our struggles, He knows our heart's deepest desires and He knows that for every single one of His sheep. When the world looks at us and tells us you're just the same as everyone else, God calls out to us and tells us we aren't. We are His. We are different. We are special. We are set apart. God looks at us, He looks at me, and says "I know you because I know my own." Wow. That's incredibly humbling. The Creator of the entire universe looks at me and knows me completely.

Man. What a mighty God we serve.